My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
