Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
