you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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