If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
