Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
