can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
