at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
