I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
