Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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