so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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