Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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