Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
