The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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