grandma shit on top of the toilet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
