All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
