in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
