You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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