He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
