Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
