you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
