The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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