quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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