Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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