watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You're earring is so big in my mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
