I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
