I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
