Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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