Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
