Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
