she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my being single is dangerous.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
