The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
