i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i will never coherently bang her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
