she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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