now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
