Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
