New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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