you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
