I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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