The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
