YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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