the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
