i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
