Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Boobs are out for the taking
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
