I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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