Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
