why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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