woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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