It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
