do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
