My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
