also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
