we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
