There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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